I'm Still Learning to Love
by VelvetLampshade
Summary: He probably liked skinny Miranda better than hefty Hanna. Or, a rewrite of the Haleb breakup in 4x14. WARNING: MENTIONS OF BULIMIA


"I have to go."

"No, you don't." Caleb just got back. He couldn't be leaving her again, not now.

"It's time." What did he even mean? It's time for what? Could he say anything more cryptic?

"No! It's not. Your watch is broken." She joked, trying to lighten the mood. Caleb just looked at her. No smile, no anything.

"It's late." He picked up his backpack, about to sling it over his shoulder. Hanna grabbed it from his arms, hugging it to her chest.

"Then take me with you."

Caleb sighed "I can't"

"Then I'll follow you."

"Don't." He reached forward, pulling the backpack out of Hanna's arms. She pulled back. He couldn't leave, not just yet. They played tug of war with Caleb's bag until he yanked it backwards. Hanna stepped back in shock. Caleb had never done anything like that before. It made her want to cry.

She blinked up at him, and he looked like he regretted his previous action.

"Is this about Miranda?" She asked, praying it wasn't. Caleb wouldn't cheat on her, would he?

"It's not like that." He responded.

"Like what?" She needed him to say it. She just needed to hear him say he wasn't cheating. She would let him leave after, she just needed to know.

"Like what you're thinking." Just say those five words: I'm not cheating on you.

"What am I thinking?" Hanna shouted back. "I mean is this about the girl I told you to look after?" She lowered her voice.

Caleb responded with three words that made her heart clench. "She needs me."

Tears welled up in her eyes. She blinked, trying to clear the tears.

"But it's not like that sounds." He tried to remedy the situation.

She shook her head in disbelief. "You say that, but what am I supposed to think?"

"I-I can't tell you what to think. All I know is I have to go, and you have to stay." Hanna felt her heart shatter. "It's best for the both of us."

"This isn't easy!" Caleb said, pulling the door open; Hanna offered no resistence. The girl slid down the door, tears freely slipping down her cheeks. She felt like an idiot. She practically handed Miranda to him on a silver platter. She walked into this.

He probably didn't love her anymore. Not since he went to Ravenswood. Not since he saw that damn girl on the bus.

He probably thought Miranda was prettier. She was, after all. Petite and cute and skinny. He probably liked skinny Miranda better than hefty Hanna. Maybe, if Hanna was skinny, Caleb would come back.

This thought fueled Hanna as she walked to the bathroom. She stared at her reflection for a moment. She _had _gained some weight. Hanna knelt in front of the toilet and stuck two fingers down her throat. She vomited into the toilet repeatedly. Her face felt sticky from tears and puke. She vomited until there was nothing left to vomit.

Hanna dry-heaved into the toilet a couple times before standing. Her legs wobbled, and she stumbled to the sink. She tried to wipe off the throw-up off of her chin, ignoring the tear tracks.

She heard a knock on the front door. Her mom wasn't home, so Hanna walked to the door, tripping over her feet.

"What do you want?" She asked, her voice hoarse. Caleb stood at the door, figeting slightly.

"Han, I'm sorry." He said. "Can I come in?" The door was opened only a tiny bit, just so Hanna could look out.

"No."

"Hanna, please, I need to talk to you." Caleb begged.

"You can talk to me like this." She couldn't let Caleb see the mascara trails on her cheeks or see the vomit on her hands and face that she missed with a towel.

"I need to see you. Please, Hanna."

"Why don't you go look at Miranda? Since you obviously like her more than me." Hanna broke into tears, slamming the door shut and sitting on the stairs. She knew she should go clean up the puke covered toilet, but she needed to cry.

Caleb could hear her sobs from outside. It broke his heart to hear and see his beloved Hanna like this. He felt horrible. He had always wanted to protect her and hold her when she cried. Now, he stood outside her door and listened to Hanna cry over his stupidity.

Hoping Mrs. Marin wasn't home, he slid the door open. Hanna didn't notice. The sight of her like this broke his heart.

She had her knees pressed against her chest, trying to make herself as small as possible. Her makeup had stained her cheeks, and her cheeks were red from her constant rubbing. Vomit stained the collar of her blouse, she had traces of it on her hands and chin.

"Hanna?" She looked up, and tried to wipe her tears.

"What are you doing in my house?" She asked. Caleb knelt in front of her.

"I needed to make sure you were okay. And obviously you aren't." He picked her up with the intention of carrying her to the living room. But you had to walk by the bathroom to get to the living room.

"Caleb, please just go! You can't see this, you need to leave!" She yelled, squirming in his arms.

"I can't see what?" Caleb set her to her feet, where she rushed to the bathroom, needing to shut the door. Caleb followed her.

"Hanna, please, I need to know what's going on."

She stood with her back pressed against the door to the bathroom. "Just go home, Caleb!" She yelled. Caleb gently picked her up, and set her on the couch. He then opened the door to the bathroom, and nearly gagged.

He turned around and looked at Hanna, who curled herself into a ball on the couch and was crying on her knees. He knelt in front of her and grabbed her hands.

"Hanna, what's going on?" He asked. She shook her head.

"Please, I need to know."

"What do you think happened, Caleb? Take a wild guess." Her voice oozed with vemon, and now that he was close enough, he could smell the sick on her breath.

"I know what happened, but I need to know why." He said. He was glad though, that she was well enough to be sarcastic.

"You like Miranda more than me. I get it, I like Miranda more than me too, but I figured, maybe, if I tried to be skinny like her, you would want me back again." Hanna muttered into her knees.

Caleb was shocked. Hanna had practically heaved out her insides, and it was all because she thought he like some girl more than he loved her.

"Han, I-"

"It's stupid, I know. I could never be like Miranda. So why don't you go, go back to Ravenswood. And you can go date a girl who isn't stupid and crazy like me."

"Hanna, you're not stupid. You're smart, smarter than I could ever be, and you are the nicest person I've ever met. You are beautiful, and you don't need to lose weight or anything because you are the best person I know. And I love you." Caleb looked at Hanna's hands, they were tiny compared to his.

"Caleb-"

"So please, don't ever try to change yourself for some stupid asshole like me. Okay?"

Hanna leaned forward, hugging Caleb tightly. He was shocked, and took a moment to register what had happened. Before he knew it, Hanna had shrunk back, into the couch, blushing.

"Sorry, that was stupid. Won't happen again, I promise. God, I'm such an idi-" Caleb pulled her in for a hug, pressing her against his chest and trying to show her how much she loved her.

"Caleb?" Hanna whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Whatever happens, just know that I love you."


End file.
